November 23rd, 2025

I'm tired but I did it.
What I set out to do. I learned to speak machine, wrote the five zines and ran our first party. I did it all!

My dowsing spells worked too. I found incredible people, my people; the beautiful weirdos, the ones that follow the light. I found them or they found me. Some lost ones came back! And we stuck so close, so fearlessly, it almost felt reckless, but it was just truth, like a force of Nature. Some things belong together.

I set my first beacon spell. I read and thought and dreamed and wrote machine language and it called out to them all. They heard the call and walked into my Dream, and for three hours the sixty of us existed there together.

Of course that's not how it happened.
I didn't do anything myself. I worked with Nick and talked and talked and wrote, rewrote for hours days weeks months. And dozens of artists sent their drawings, a product of thousands of hours of work and their sensibility. Tens of writers shared their experiences with us, their literal life told through words and wit. Hundreds of people bought and read the zines, and cheered us on to keep making it. And we did, until it was all done. Bator Sex is the product of at least 100 people.

The party was the same. I told Viktor that something like that could never happen in Barcelona. He asked why, and in answering I materialized the list of challenges we faced. Then we talked about it with every person that wanted it to happen —with Nick and Adam and Kyle, with Koz and Oscar, the Robs and Douri, with Amilcar and so many others— until I saw a way. And with their help I cast the spell. I bought fabrics and wrote the website, made posters and waited. And they came. And everyone helped. And it happened, it was a success.

I'm starting to see it now: Guadalindie with Marc and Adox, the Cotxeres Game Club crew, the London and Paris boys, the Sitges trips, the zine and the party crew. This year was about bonds and skills. Beautiful games and conversations, about breaking and building frameworks. A year of severance and healing, of doing and being held. Of doing and doing and being held.

That's it. That's what it was, in the end.
This was a year of doing and doing and doing and being held.